Back to the Beginning
by Russian Wolf 666
Summary: Prequel to Stay Strong My Little One but can be read on its own.Ivan recounts the events from the time he was created to falling in love with Sadik and creating his own family. Warning: child abuse present and will get very graphic in later chapters
1. Chapter 1

**Alright it's here, the prequel to Stay Strong My Little One. Sorry for the wait and I hope you all enjoy.**

**I do not own Hetalia blah blah blah**

I guess it's finally time to write this story out and lay all my cards on the table. So to speak. In reality, I'm pretty sure that I'm writing this because I'm just plain frustrated and, can you blame me? We finally get this whole problem with Arkady being stolen from us done with and then I'm shoved on a plane headed for Japan in order to go over negotiations. Without Sadik! They honestly expect me to stay calm without him for the next few days! And negotiations my ass! I guess that could be another reason that I decided to write this. My name is Ivan Braginski and I represent the nation of Russia. What you are about to read is basically the story of my life up until the present. Now keep in mind that I may gloss over or even outright skip some events, this is mainly because if I were to document everything, this would fill several bookshelves. I can also easily get off track so be prepared.

General Winter is the father to all northern nations. Bet you didn't see that one coming but it's true. Myself, Canada, Sweden, Finland, Denmark, Norway, and Iceland are all more or less related. Not to the point of it being incest between Sweden and Finland or Norway and Denmark so don't let your dirty minds wander there. No, it all happened like this: the ancient nations, even before Rome, were worried about their future children so they devised ways to ensure our safety. Scandinavia, North America, etc. all made a pact with the spirit of winter to protect us in times of war. To do this, he basically had to infuse a bit of himself into the land. If you really want to get technical, the most closely related are Norway and Iceland, and myself and Finland; which is why I was the one to give Finland away at his wedding to Sweden. It was beautiful and rather traditional. We even got little Tino in a white dress, though he was very opposed to it at the beginning and later tried to return the favor at my own wedding. Oh I'm getting a little ahead of myself aren't I?

I began, as most countries did, as simply many nomadic tribes that wondered the land that I came to represent. Then, in the late ninth century, these nomadic tribes fused together and I became Kievan Rus'. My sisters were also called this; Natalia had arrived about a century before this. Looking back, I have no idea how she came to be so obsessive about me marrying her. This way of life only lasted for a short period of time, until the thirteenth century to be exact, since Mongolia, who had formed some years before me; saw my land as ideal for expansion and thus invaded. Thankfully, my sisters were spared the 'unique' treatment that I was subject to though they were also captured. In the end, I ensured that Sadik and his armies could pass through Ukraine to get to Poland during their war if he took both my sisters back to Turkey with him. This group would later come to be known as the Tartars, the Golden Horde Empire, and, during their invasion of my friend China, the Huns. I'm afraid that I'm not entirely sure how long I was under Mongolia's rule, though I think it ended around the late fourteen hundreds, but it was during these horrible and abusive years that I first met Sadik, the nation of Turkey and, at the time, the representation of the Ottoman Empire. The first time I laid eyes on this massive and blood thirsty empire, I was nothing more than a meek child and it is here, dear reader, which our story begins.

I would like to say that I faced this towering blood soaked man with the strength and pride of a seasoned nation but if I'm honest, his first sight of me was of a teary eyed, whimpering, filthy child. I was informed that I was to be offered up to someone named the Ottoman Empire that morning while I was being painfully violated in a spider infested storage room. Normally, these activities take place in a crowded room for many to enjoy my humiliation but Mongolia liked to keep my paralyzing phobia to himself, a phobia that I reluctantly carry to this day. My fear of spiders was something that Mongolia loved to exploit. He had several rooms in my home infested with different species and, whenever I was brought here, I could bet that my face was going to be an inch away from a nest. He also used to have a coffin that he would strap me down in and dump spiders over me, warning me that if I screamed or cried, one would crawl into my mouth I make my body a nest. Sadik makes fun of me sometimes since even a simple house spider sends me running to his arms but I think he enjoys it more than he lets on. In a way, I think it feeds his ego but I digress. For the majority of the trip to Constantinople, now Istanbul, Mongolia talked of nothing other than what would happen to me when I got back, or if I displeased the Ottoman Empire, mostly featuring the situations above. Basically by the time we got to Constantinople, I was already on the verge of a complete breakdown and, when I finally met the man who I was to live with, all I wanted to do was curl up into as small a ball as possible and cry until I knocked myself out. Throughout most of the talk over the terms in which my temporary trade was to include, I sat beside Mongolia sobbing. I knew immediately that it annoyed him and would likely get me punished but I simply could not make it stop. It took less than twenty minutes for him to snap, which was a record for his patience. He grabbed my hair, which looked to be a grey-ish brown colour due to filth, and threw me roughly to the floor.

"Shut up you worthless, miserable, little urchin! Do you think that we great nations need to hear your pathetic snivelling?" I was almost to my feet again when he stood and delivered a sharp backhand to my face that sent me back to the floor. I coward under his glare with tears still rolling down my cheeks and whimpered softly. "Get into that corner." A sharp kick to my thigh informed me that I was to crawl there. "And shut up!" The next kick was delivered to my stomach and I gasped sharply as the wind was forced from my lungs. I rolled onto my side, suddenly unable to breathe. I didn't hear or see Sadik move until he was already between me and Mongolia. For such a big man, he could move incredibly quickly and quietly. He was talking but I couldn't really pay attention, his voice was so nice. It rumbled in his chest and smoldered in his throat. I stood slowly, every muscle in my body so relaxed by that voice, as I tried to pay attention to what was being said.

"Your terms are agreed to. Now leave, you are no longer welcome in my house. The boy will be returned at the end of the week. Alive or not remains to be seen." I suddenly feared that voice and everything that it embodied. Mongolia left in a huff at being dismissed like a lowly servant and, for the first time, I wished that I was with him. At least with Mongolia I knew what to expect. I was faced with the expressionless white mask and I feared it. I was so tired of crying but I couldn't seem to find a way to stop. It seemed like every hurt and humiliation had built up to this and, without really thinking about it, as he knelt down to be level with me, I punched him. For the briefest moment I relished the feel of my fist connecting with that high cheekbone and then I realized exactly what I'd done. I pulled my fist back to my chest and started to tremble, tears coming faster than ever before. I just fucked up an important negotiation. What was to stop him from attacking now or from invading my lands and slaughtering my people as vengeance or hurting my sisters? I flinched and closed my eyes as that black gloved hand was raised, anticipating the strike though if a beating was all he was going to do, I'd consider myself lucky. Instead I felt that same hand gently run through my hair and a deep chuckle. My god I love that voice. It sent these strange yet nice shivers up and down my spine. That odd hat and the mask had been knocked off and I could easily see the tousled black hair and mischievous green eyes. His skin was smooth and tanned by the hot sun that heated this land up to a delightful temperature. Next to him, I admit, I felt embarrassingly inadequate. Using the hand that had been in my hair, he gently urged out the door and headed down the hall after saying something in his own language to a passing servant. I was a little worried that maybe he had simply decided to punish me in another room, but as soon as we entered a room deeper in the house, I completely relaxed. All he wanted was a bath, though I had no clue as to why I had to be there for that. I swallowed roughly as he began to disrobe, my mouth suddenly very dry. Though I knew that it was only polite to look away, I couldn't seem to tear my eyes from the smooth, muscular body that was slowly being revealed to me. "Like what ya see kid?" My face rapidly heated up and turned the colour of a cherry as I realized that I'd been caught staring and I quickly turned away. I heard that smooth chuckle again. "I don't think I feel too safe, having you in the bath with me." I froze. He was going to let me have a bath. A chance to sink into that nice warm water, to get clean and feel human again, to get the feeling of groping hands off and I'd ruined it. I hung my head and started to sniffle, the beginnings of cries escaping. My hands automatically came up to start wiping away tears when I heard bare feet hurry over. "Hey, easy there, I was only joking. Come on…shh shh… I wasn't going to keep you from having a bath…shh." I sniffled again and hesitantly met his eyes. "There we go. See, everything's alright. Now let's get you out of those clothes and into the tub." I blushed as he helped me out of the tattered shirt that did very little to hide the bruises covering my skin. I suddenly became very aware of the state that the seat of my pants was in and what it hid. I clung to them childishly and whimpered, dreading the humiliation that their removal would bring. He sighed after his third attempt to remove them. "Kid I already know. I did lead you out to the hall in front of me." My blush darkened as that meant that anyone who passed us saw too. He stood and walked over to the corner of the room where a bucket full of water rested. He brought it over and crouched down. "Do you trust me?" I wanted to shake my head and run, but something in me wanted to trust him and gave a shaky nod. I closed my eyes and turned my face away as the pants were carefully removed. I jumped slightly at the low growl that the man beside me gave and coward, thinking that I'd somehow upset him. He quickly smiled at me. "I'm not mad at you kid, just the damn bastard who put you through this." I didn't need him to elaborate. I'd seen it enough times to know. My rear and thighs were covered in feces, since Mongolia had decided to take away my privilege to a toilet, and mingled with what was the sticky white substance that I had come to loathe. Long after it had cooled, it burned at my skin. Reminding me of what a failure as a country I was. I felt the slightly rough fabric of a washcloth being run over my skin and shifted uneasily. It felt weird having someone else clean me. Sadik's tanned hand ran soothing circles along my stomach letting me know what else he wanted. Slowly, I relaxed my internal muscles and allowed him to see the full extent of my shame as it leaked down my quivering thighs. I was thankful that he made no comment and it wasn't long before I heard the washcloth thrown back into the bucket. "We can probably just throw all this out. I can get you something else to wear." He started to gather up my clothes while I stood motionless, until he reached for my scarf.

"No!" He spun around, appearing startled to have heard me speak. "Not that, please. My sister gave it to me." He raised a hand to silence me and smiled gently.

"No worries kid, I'll make sure it gets washed with the utmost care." I nodded my thanks and smiled lightly. I made no comment as I was lifted into the bath and set on his lap, nor to I complain when he accidentally got soap in my eyes. He seemed to have this fascination with running his fingers through my hair, not that I was complaining, his strength and dominant personality threatened to over whelm me and I briefly entertained ideas of just what it would be like to be under that strength. I quickly shook my head to banish such thoughts

"Um…mister Ottoman Empire-sir." He gave me a slight hum of acknowledgement. "What do you plan to do with me?" His hands stopped their soothing massage.

"Well right now I plan to bathe you, feed you, introduce you to the other nations living here, tell you a story and then it's off to bed. Unless you object of course." I could hear the smirk in his voice and quickly shook my head.

Unfortunately, I wouldn't be able to meet any of the other nations as neither Sadik nor I realized just how late it was. By the time we got out of the bath, the sun had already set. Sadik set me up in a room close to his and tucked me in among the many pillows.

"Goodnight kid." I frowned slightly.

"You keep calling me kid. My name's Ivan." He smiled and kissed my forehead.

"I'm Sadik. Goodnight Ivan." I smiled and nuzzled down into the soft warmth.


	2. Chapter 2

Wow I had almost forgotten that I was writing this. Well I suppose a brief update is required, though really the only thing that's changed is that Heracles is now attending the negotiations, at Alfred's insistence. My response to that was that, if America could not keep its wandering nose out of other peoples' business, I would be more than happy to start re-arming nukes. We almost had another Cold War. Thankfully Ludwig intervened and made the arrangement that, if Heracles was to be here, then so was Sadik. After the meeting, I thanked him over and over again until I needed something to drink in order to keep talking.

Oh and before I forget to mention, Ludwig and Mathew are engaged. Arthur and Francis were so happy for their son, if a little protective. Gilbert on the other hand only grunted when the two announced it. Ever since Ludwig started to become closer friends with me, Gilbert has been getting more distant from Ludwig. Ludwig still cares for him of course, but he's also getting more frustrated. Anyway, the two are getting married on June 15th in, and I was a little shocked at this, Turkey. Yep, they're getting married, and having their honeymoon, in a little town overlooking the Mediterranean. According to both of them, it's going to be small, with only close family and friends there. I have to laugh a little at that because our wedding was only close family and friends too, but it was huge because of the size of both, more Sadik's than mine, our families. Anyway, I suppose you all want to know what happened after that first night under Sadik's care, so away we go.

The next day, and the ones that followed, were filled with comforts that I had never known. In the morning, I would enjoy a few minutes just lounging in bed, in that state between wakefulness and sleep. The bed I had been given was as soft as I imagined clouds to feel and was delightfully warm. After a little while, Gupta, who for some reason woke with the sun every day, would walk down the hall, sending out the call of wind chimes to wake everyone. Shortly afterwards, Sadik would come in and run his fingers up and down my spine to bring me to full alertness. I would be left on my own to dress and then carried to breakfast. I simply adored the peaceful routine.

While I was there, I interacted quite a bit with Gupta, Heracles, and Elizaveta who represent the nations of Egypt, Greece, and Hungary. I was told that there were other nations living in the compound but I never met them. I spent most of my time with Gupta as Heracles and Elizaveta only seemed interested in talking about how horrible Sadik was and how they were planning on breaking free of the Ottoman Empire. I was appalled. How could they want to leave something like this? It seemed that I was the only one on Sadik's side as Gupta remained entirely neutral on the matter. When the two found this out, they became especially malicious towards me. Jibes, cruel jokes, and obscene comments and gestures were flung at me with gleeful abandon. It was one such instance that drove me to insist on never being in a room without Sadik.

Throughout the week, Sadik had taken me on many outings to observe the culture. The architecture interested me as well as the love of bright colors. The religion got me talked round in circles and the language felt heavy and awkward on my tongue. I was entranced by the beautiful silks and foods that delighted my senses. Belly dancing was something we stumbled on quite by accident as there were several girls performing one day in the market when we walked past. I watched, utterly enthralled while Sadik explained the significance. Sometime during my stay, my phobia was also brought to attention. To say that I had been embarrassed when it came out was an understatement, I was utterly mortified. Sadik had simply smiled that warm, loving smile that I adore so much and began taking baby steps with me in helping me learn to live with it.

It was about half way through my stay when it happened. I had just finished a drawing for a building that I wanted to have in my country, based heavily on Turkish design, and I wanted to show Sadik. On a kind of primal level, I knew something was wrong before I even opened the door to my room. Heracles and Elizaveta had not antagonized me for a couple days now and, though I should have been relieved, everyday my shoulders grew tenser. Whenever I would catch sight of them, all the blood in my body would rush to my legs in preparation to flee. It seemed that they chose that day in which to make their plans known.

Something that I had learned **_very_** quickly during my stay was that spiders in Turkey were different than the ones in Russia. One of the main differences was that, in Turkey, they could easily reach the size of a dinner plate. There was also far more varieties of poisonous spiders in Turkey then in Russia. I also learned some things about Heracles and Elizaveta. One of those things was that, though their schemes were more often than not, completely harmless, they rarely paid close attention to details when executing them which often resulted in more damage being done than was intended.

So when the bucket full of spiders was emptied over my head as I left my room, it only seemed natural that there would be a handful of poisonous ones mixed in there as well. The sensation of their legs along my skin was what hit me first and like every other time I'd seen a spider in my life, I froze. The picture dropped to the floor as my hands shook and my heart pounded in my throat. My breathing escalated into harsh pants and each exhale was accompanied by a terrified whimper. When one of the hairy legs brushed past my collar to the skin of my neck, I couldn't stop the pitiful cry from escaping causing the previously muffled giggles to burst into full blown laughter. Tears made hot rivers down my cheeks, I knew that I would be stuck in this position until Sadik found me, and I quietly started to sob. Elizaveta seemed to see my distress first as her giggles tampered off rather quickly.

"Heracles, I-I think something's really wrong with him." I didn't hear what Heracles' reply was as, at that moment, the largest spider of the lot, reaching the aforementioned size of a dinner plate, seemed to take interest in the liquid running down my face. Logically I knew that the spider wasn't poisonous but, when I caught sight of those fangs, I somehow found the will to really scream. Maybe it was because it was the first time that I knew someone would come save me if I was in distress, but I screamed as loud and hard as I could. Gupta was the first to arrive, being in his room just down the hall, and could only stand there in shock. There was a loud crash further down the hall followed by a loud series of curses before Sadik emerged from his study. Initially he could only stare in shock like Gupta, but, thankfully, he quickly regained his senses and called for a few servants to help him. The next hour was spent carefully dislodging any spider on me and any that had made it to the floor. Each one that was removed was immediately taken outside. To say Sadik was livid would be an understatement, though even in his rage I refused to leave his side. As long as I stayed by him, no harm would come to me.

The last day of my stay was bittersweet to say the least. I got to choose what was made for meals and every single time I turned around, there was more on my plate, especially when it came to dessert. I remember asking jokingly, if he was trying to fatten me up. I joked even though I knew it was true. I had been sickeningly thin when I had arrived and, within a few months of going back, I'd be in the same state. The rest of the day was spent with Sadik. First we went back to the market to see some of the street performers again. He then took me over to a book shop and got me a present: a book about Turkish myths and legends. When we got back, he read to me from the book until we both fell asleep in the late afternoon sun.

I worried my lip as Sadik tucked me into bed, as he had done every night since my arrival. It had finally truly sunk in during dinner that the next morning, I would be leaving to go back to Mongolia's care. I felt the warm kiss to my forehead and, as he turned and started to walk out of the room, I made my decision.

"Sadik!" He turned to face me and I leapt from the bed. I ran over to him and fell to my knees at his feet, wrapping my arms around his legs and looking up pleadingly. "Take over my country. I'll make sure that you can get in and that my people know that you're our liberator. You can have all the resources you want and, and-" I started to grow desperate as I saw him start to sadly shake his head. "Please take over!" He sighed and reached down to pick me up.

"Ivan, I'd love to give you a home here, I really would, but with a country as big as yours, I don't know if I could keep everyone happy. You know what happens when the people of a country are too unhappy? They start to rebel and try to overthrow that power." He sat down on the bed with me in his lap.

"Then why haven't my people done that?" It came out a bit more like a whine then I intended it to but, as always, Sadik seemed to understand.

"A rebellion takes a lot of people and, a good one, takes a lot of organization. Mongolia is a cruel leader so people are too scared of the consequences to start making waves." I nodded, understanding better than anyone how cruel Mongolia could be.

"That's why we need you to help." I pouted stubbornly. Sadik only chuckled and ruffled my hair.

"There's already someone set to overthrow that bastard, and unfortunately, it isn't me. When the time comes, he'll be a force to be reckoned with." Because of my pouting, I didn't see the gleam in his eyes when he said that. "Now enough of this," he said while tucking me back into bed. "It's late and you have a long journey tomorrow." Another kiss to my forehead and he was out of the room causing me to miss the pained expression that came over his face. I didn't find out until years later that Sadik didn't sleep that night, choosing instead to drink away his worries.

The trip back home was filled with Mongolia commenting on how 'fat' I'd become and his plans for when we got home. Every night for years afterwards, I'd lay my head down and pretend that I was back in that room, warm and loved, and that in the morning, I'd hear wind chimes and feel those gentle fingers tracing along my spine.


End file.
